Monday, March 1, 2010

How to stay awake during Obama speeches

I confess I can't bear to sit through any politician's speeches. But for those who must listen to the speeches of Obama, here is one way to survive the ordeal:

1. Before Barrack Obama’s next televised speech, prepare your “Bullshit Bingo” card by drawing a square. I find that 5″ x 5″ is a good size — and dividing it into columns –five across and five down. That will give you 25 1-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

Restored our reputation
Strategic fit
Let me be clear
Make no mistake
Back from the brink
Signs of recovery
Out of the loop
Job creation
Fiscal restraint
Affordable health care
Previous Administration
At the end of the day
Empower (or empowerment)
Touch base
Inherited as in “I inherited this mess”
Relief for working families
Accountable (or held to account)
Free market

Players can make substitutions to this list, but only one phrase can be used in any one block. Alternatives include:

Change (as in “change you can believe in)
Universal health care
Brought the economy back from the brink

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout ”BULLSHIT!”

Testimonials from past satisfied “Bullshit Bingo” players:

”I had been listening to the speech for only five minutes when I won.” - Jack W., Boston


Red Frog said...

I can't play because I've never listened to one all the way through!

AA said...

I doubt you'll have to listen to the whole wretched thing, replete as it is with hackneyed cliches. The first five or ten minutes will suffice to play the game.

I'm not so naive as to imagine that one apparatchik makes that much difference to the working of the system but I would like to say that Obama is a worthless scumbag, an absolute bastard. In the time of Bush at least we had hope that any successor could only be better. Even that hope has gone now.