This manual is mandatory reading for all citizens. The document was stolen from the archives of Gilead, the homeland of “A Handmaid’s Tale.” It is
based on a Christian Dominionist takeover of the United States, which has moved the
country back to the 1950s. Though all of
it is suspiciously familiar even in 2018, and would not be out of place coming
from Evangelical nationalists, Fox News or neo-Confederates. Or Viktor Orban. Or Jair Bolsonaro. Or ...
 |
| Required Reading after a Dominionist Takeover |
It warns us of our enemies and our friends. It loves the leader. Women are in their place having babies and
cooking. Prayers are useful. Gay people, atheists, liberals, vegetarians
and socialists are hated. Buying
corporate food, SUVs and chemical lawn fertilizers and pesticides is strongly
encouraged. Surveillance is total and
informing is appreciated too. Meat
should be consumed in vast quantities. A
week off is sufficient holiday, but make sure you spend it in an approved
location. Work is always good, no matter
the conditions. Black people or 'other' people do not
exist. Sex is just ‘it’ – I shouldn’t
even have brought ‘it’ up. There is
more…you are required to read it.
Being read underground, in private with no one
watching, the book can be a mild and somewhat familiar laugh in these dark days
of winter, Trump and a failing Capitalism. Or that permanent global summer thing. However, if you are discovered with this book,
or any of the other books sold at May Day Books by the DODH Homeland Neighborhood Posse, you
will be quarantined in an isolation cell and made to read the Bible in the dark.
Quotations from the DOHD Manual:
* “If you are a man and you have a gun collection,
clean and polish it while sitting in the living room with the rest of the
family while watching the “Family Viewing Hour.”
* “Tinkering is an acceptable male activity.”
* “Lunch is not free.”
* “Wilderness camping requires traveling light,
negating the use of giant coolers filled with enormous amounts of meat and beer
that support the Homeland’s food industry.”
(Don’t do wilderness camping, citizen.)
* “Fair and balanced news shows will set
conversational agendas.” Or MSNBC.
* “Day care providers … who do not promote the
concept of winning at all costs and don’t practice corporal punishment…” are
suspect.
* Our slogan: “Marching
proudly backwards to the future.”
Other prior reviews on comedic subjects: “The
Handmaid’s Tale,” “The End of Free Speech for Sony Pictures...” “The Chapo Guide
to Revolution,” “Get Out,” “Crazy Rich Asians,” “Ideation,” "The Dark Side of Christian History" and "A Less Modest Proposal."
And I found it in the recesses of the May Day Books
used/cutout section for $2!
The Kultural Kommissar
December 18, 2018
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